Embers

A baby. Afer all these years of me wanting one and him not wanting one, now he wants a baby. When finally I have lost the desire for one. Our children are seven and five. I don’t know that I can handle a newborn again. I’d thought we were in agreement on the adoption.

I look out the window into the night. The trees are leafless and still. The sky must be cloudy because I can’t see any stars. Winter is upon us; the days are cold and sunless. I shiver, wondering if it’s my skin or my soul that’s chilled.

On the way to the offce in the morning, I run into Walgreens to get another test. Once at work, I hole myself up in the bathroom. I got a digital test this time. There is a little hourglass sign in the window to show it’s working. While I wait I coat my lips with lip gloss and twist my earrings around in my ears. When I look down at the test again, it’s done. Pregnant.